


Something We Haven't Noticed

by VitaLupum



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Fluff, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VitaLupum/pseuds/VitaLupum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calle and Bård are getting close, and to be honest it's weirding Vegard out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something We Haven't Noticed

            Vegard’s jaw was practically on the table, and it still hung open even as he continued to shuffle the papers without even noticing their existence. He couldn’t believe it.

            Calle was running his fingers through Bård’s hair.

            The two of them were just sat there, casually looking through the plan for today’s filming, and Calle was winding his fingers through his baby brother’s blonde hair. This in itself could’ve just been taken for Calle being a little shit, except Bård…

            Bård was  _blushing_.

            Calle would take a lock of Bård’s hair – wind it around his finger – curl it a little before Bård would swat at him or giggle.  _Giggle_. He was giggling, like a schoolgirl with her first crush, and Vegard watched all of this with a stunned expression.

            The worst thing was,  _nobody else seemed to have noticed_.

***

            “Magnus?”

            Magnus looked up to see Vegard stood there, and nodded.

            “Yes, I am. You’re Vegard,” he added, and Vegard rolled his eyes before dropping into the seat next to him.

            “Is there something… weird… going on between Calle and Bård that I’ve missed?” he asked slowly, and Magnus looked over. Bård and Calle were larking about, touching a camera, and as Vegard watched Calle put his arm around Bård. And Bård  _let_ him.

            “Uh… nah,” Magnus said, and went back to messing with his phone.

            “It’s just… I saw Calle playing with Bård’s hair,” Vegard said, and Magnus looked back up with a barely-disguised ‘why are you still here’ expression. “A-and now he’s got his arm around him.”

            “They’ve kissed before. Your brother is a raging homo. This is neither ‘weird’ nor ‘something anyone’s missed’,” Magnus said, and Vegard shook his head slowly. “Maybe he’s worried you’d judge him if he dated Calle. I mean, he knows he’s going to get the piss taken out of him until the end of the century, so maybe they wanted to keep it quiet?”

            Vegard found himself fervently in denial. Bård had never ever expressed interest in guys, and this seemed a little out-of-the-blue. Nevertheless, he decided to keep an eye on things. Maybe Magnus was right.

***

            And thus began a really  _weird_  game of cat-and-mice.

            Vegard began to keep notes of the weird things he saw as he followed his brother and Calle around, hiding behind corners and eavesdropping into conversations.

             _Monday – Calle and Bård stayed behind after everyone else had gone to lunch. Saw them snuggle on a sofa for ten minutes. Think they saw me. Fell over a clothing rail attempting to hide._

_Tuesday – Calle keeps grabbing his hand in conversation. And in queues. And everywhere we go actually._

_Wednesday – We all got really drunk and Calle gave Bård a fireman’s lift upstairs. Bård was sick down his back though. Probably not dating any more._

_Thursday – Bård sitting on Calle’s lap. They didn’t react to my presence. Not entirely sure I’m 100% visible._

_Friday – Vegard please stop writing notes about us – Calle_

***

            Vegard crumpled up the pages from the notebook and sighed. He wasn’t learning anything. Calle and his brother had always been like this around other people, and now they were watching out for his spying behaviour.

            “Magnus, I don’t know what to do,” he said, and Magnus lifted his head off of the table.

            “I don’t care,” he announced.

            “I mean, they’re just… I don’t know. I’ve never seen Bård and Calle act like this around each other. Maybe they have decided to give it a go,” he said quietly, and to tell the truth, a little miserably. He would’ve hoped his own brother would’ve told him.

            “Have you tried  _asking_  them if they’re dating? Like, with grown-up words?” Magnus said sharply, and Vegard sighed again.

            “Maybe I should let them get on with it,” he muttered and Magnus nodded.

            “Yes, maybe you should let me get on with it,” he hinted, and Vegard stood up.

            “Maybe I should confront them,” he said, and Magnus laid his head back on the table.

            “By no means, let me stop you,” he muttered.

***

            “Calle? Bård?”

            The two of them turned to see Vegard attempting to catch up with them, and he smiled awkwardly.

            “So… where are you two going?” he asked, and they looked at each other.

            “Nowhere,” Calle said.

            “My house,” Bård said at the exact same time.

            They swapped looks, and then Bård sighed.

            “I’m going to get my coat,” he said, and stalked out, shaking his head and muttering. Calle was left with Vegard, who smiled at him.

            “You two seem… close…” he said, and Calle nodded.

            “Uh yes. No. Uh…” he mumbled, and Vegard nodded.

            “Anything you’re gonna tell me?” he tried, and Calle shrugged.

            “Did you know that a town in the US ended up covered in what looked like blood because of red sludge from a nearby refinery?” he said, and Vegard closed his eyes.

            “Anything you’re going to tell me, concerning you and Bård, and your behaviour from the past week, including anything that I noted down in my notebook?” he tried again, and Calle shook his head.

            “Nope, don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said casually, and as he went to pass Vegard he found himself slammed into the wall, one hand casually gripping his throat.

            “I am warning you now. If you hurt my little brother at all in any way, our entire friendship will mean nothing. I will break every single bone in your entire body, from the feet upwards, and then I will feed you your own hair,” Vegard said casually. “You will never be able to hurt Bård again, because you will cease to exist. Eventually.” He let go of Calle, who stared at him with wide, terrified eyes.

            “Vegard?!”

            The elder Ylvisåker turned around, and Bård was stood there, looking equally as horrified.

            “Please, you tell him, he might shoot me if you don’t,” Calle wheezed, and Bård put his head in his hands.

            “Vegard, we’ve been pranking you,” he said, and Vegard tilted his head. “That time in the dressing room? We knew you were hiding in the clothes racks. Sitting on his lap? Magnus has been in on it and everything. He’ll tell you. Please don’t murder Calle.” Vegard felt embarrassment stain his cheeks bright red.

            “You mean you’ve been pretending to be gay for a week to randomly prank me?” he asked slowly, and Bård nodded, tactfully pulling Vegard away from Calle.

            “Does everyone get that talk?” Calle gasped, rubbing his throat, and Vegard shook his head, biting his lip. “Ah, I  _am_  special.” He put his hand up as Vegard stretched a hand out. “No, no. I’m… I mean… I didn’t know you cared.” Bård sighed, and shoved Calle towards the dressing room.

            “Go get your goddamn stuff,” he sighed. “I told you this was a bad idea.” Vegard stared at Bård for a moment.

            “So you’re definitely not gay?” he asked, and Bård shook his head. “Ah. Okay.”

            There was a moment, and then Vegard found himself enveloped in a hug that he was too bewildered to reciprocate.

            “I can’t believe you just threatened to murder Calle if he hit me,” Bård muttered into his shoulder. “You idiot. Thank you.”


End file.
